Life's like this...

Relevation, realisation.

I just had a relevation. And I've decided to change everything for the better as far as I could do. No matter how hard it's gonna be. Not only for myself, but for the sake of the people around me. ( Now, the radio is playing 'My Immortal' by Evanescence, my all time favourite song, it suits my mood now...)

I admit that I show my 'black' face easily when I've irritated or frustrated with things and people. It's been happening since God-knows-when. Quite a number of people have feedbacked to me about it since God-knows-when too. But I thought it was nothing, just part of my character, part of expressing myself. Thus, I just carried on showing off my attitude now and then. I also have the tendency of being over-dependent on certain people for emotional support. I guessed I have been very scared of drowning myself in those negative emotions and wanted to share with someone that I can trust. I think I was too eager to share my problems till I forget that I will actually burden them with unnecessary stress, 'cause it's eventually my problem, not theirs.

After I stayed in hall, I realised that I can no longer hold on to what I've been thinking about my behaviour. It seems like if I continue what I've been doing, I will just get more misunderstood and offend more people unwittingly. Well, at the end of the day, Hall is a not exactly Home. Hall is a place to stay, study and know more people. It's not Home because it lacks a group of people who can really tolerate all kinds of nonsense and can provide the kind of 'silent' comfort when you having a bad day. In other words, they just understand. (At this point of time, I really feel like hugging my mummy.)

I've decided to change for the sake of a better life and stop torturing the people around me. At the same time, I'll still be myself and not something fake. Time to release myself and others from this mental torture. Time to grow up and be more independent. Life is so much more, and it's not going to get any easier.

I like to thank all my friends for being there for me at any point of time. Love Jw always, though we always irritate each other at times. Thank methegreat for making me realise and giving me the honesty that a true friend will show. Most importantly, I like to thank Edric for being such a good friend. I couldn't ask for a better friend than him. Glad that he is back in Singapore, all the best dude!

I think I gonna sleep soon. Tomorrow will be a new day, a new life. Say good bye to 包青天！

Relevation, realisation.

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